


Learning to live again

by the_1_the_only_fishbottom



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Everybody Lives, F/F, F/M, Gen, M/M, Multi, Original Character Death(s), Other, POV Alternating, POV Original Character, POV Third Person Limited, Shiro (Voltron) Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Triggers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-09
Updated: 2020-05-07
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:40:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23561698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_1_the_only_fishbottom/pseuds/the_1_the_only_fishbottom
Summary: OC is badass; but struggles with PTSD; how do i put all the warnings on here idk; Everyone loves everyone and the only hate we have is for lotoilet sorry not sorry; its not even hate; extreme distaste; might seem a bit anti-allura but she's my queen she just needs some sense; OC mainly uses female pronouns but always they/them, but they forgot their gender? hard to explain and i suck at summaries; is this even a good summary-no.Basically: Allura and Coran aren't the only ones who exit a cryopod, and Shiro isn't the only one who has PTSD. ANGST. Trigger warnings for all who have anxiety/depression.
Relationships: Allura & Lotor (Voltron), Hunk/Shay (Voltron), Keith & Shiro (Voltron), Keith/Lance (Voltron), Shiro & Voltron: Legendary Defender Team, Shiro (Voltron)/Original Character(s), Shiro (Voltron)/Original Female Character(s), Shiro (Voltron)/Original Male Character(s)
Kudos: 4





	1. Who the F*ck R U? Who the f*ck r u? I Asked You First. Well I Asked You Second

**Author's Note:**

> OC is badass; but struggles with PTSD; how do i put all the warnings on here idk; Everyone loves everyone and the only hate we have is for lotoilet sorry not sorry; its not even hate; extreme distaste; might seem a bit anti-allura but she's my queen she just needs some sense; OC mainly uses female pronouns but always they/them, but they forgot their gender? hard to explain and i suck at summaries; is this even a good summary-no. Is this too dark? I've had like, two people review this WIP please tell me how it is.
> 
> DISCLAIMER: I do not own Voltron: Legendary Defenders of the Universe or any of its characters. RIP Voltron the icarus of dreamwks gay debut

Niola Xiphos was a tool, a weapon. Most of the time though, she was used as a bard. NOT a guard. Her silken voice was allowed to sing songs that helped her masters sleep, or help her masters’ enemies turn on one another, or puppet her master’s enemies into traps or cages. Her only fault, thus far was that she had run away from her handlers in the hopes that she’d never be used by her masters ever again. How she got thrown into a cryo-pod by an _Altean King_ and ordered to guard the princess was a mystery. A real head-scratcher. And upon waking up and stumbling out of the said pod, her memory was fuzzier and more abstract than when she’d woken up naked and confused after being forced to drink colorful liquids and forcibly injected with chemicals she’d never learn the names of. She leaned against the chamber's walls to steady herself. Hearing shouting from outside the chamber, she ducked her head out of the pod cautiously. Her movement seemed to catch the eyes of all who were outside the chamber, and she held herself up frozen in the looks given by two Alteans and...a few unknown life forms. Niola quickly shifted her gaze downwards. She was surrounded! Why were there so many others in this one room?! She’d have to accept the punishment for trying to escape and her hope of being finally free from her handlers was dashed when she realized she might not have run as far away from them as she’d hoped.

"Who are you? Another alien?" Niola watched as the feet of the female Altean she’d glanced at briefly move forward as the owner spoke. She moved her eyes slightly up her form but never moved her gaze above the hips as per handler regulation. The woman was wearing blue and white floor-length robes and Niola squinted when her memory remembered noticing a small crown on her forehead. Niola immediately recognized her to be of high status by the coloration of her long, white hair that seemed to fall down in thick waves. Before she could answer the question the other Altean she’d briefly seen stepped between the two of them.

"I don't recognize you being on board the ship, state your purpose, soldier! Wait a tick--you're not even Altean!" Niola recalled the carrot hair colored Altean and flinched when a finger was pointed in her direction. When the finger dropped to the Altean’s side, Niola mentally cursed her incomplete camouflage--a fault of her fin-like ears--for her skin was not it's normal pale opal color, but a dark tan color similar to what King Alfor's had been. Unfortunately, the one thing she couldn't change when her glimmer camouflaged her body was her ears and eyes. She could even change the feel of her teeth from their normal shark-like points to rounded, blunt teeth like the Alteans’. Handlers were used to seeing Niola in her glimmer, since most of the masters she’d had to serve detested her normal form so these aliens must be or know her handlers since they could easily pick apart her natural camouflage. Most people wouldn't notice the small imperfections of her camouflage otherwise.

"I-I..." Niola stuttered when it seemed like they were waiting on an answer and her fingers gripped the edge of the Cryopod as she steadied herself, "during a Galran attack, the Altean King shoved me into one of these," Niola squinted when she tried to recall more information, but found everything was a blur.

"Why would father...?" the white-haired Altean mumbled to herself.

Niola didn’t dare move her head to look at the red-headed Altean and the round-eared lifeforms. Gods, her legs were still jelly and the unease of being in an unfamiliar place was starting to cause her stomach to swirl. Would they just get to the point and order her to do something already? Why hadn’t they started punishing her yet? Were they waiting? Was living in fear _of the punishment_ her sentence?

"Speaking of, who are you? Where are we?" the princess questioned the other lifeforms.

"That's what we should be asking you, a giant blue lion brought us here that's all we know!" A brown-haired creature shouted from the Princess's grasp. Niola hadn’t seen him behind the woman’s body, and she quickly subverted her gaze back down to her own sandals. Perhaps that was another pet who had also tried to escape during the ruckus of the attack. The princess had him pinned on the floor by tugging on his ear and holding one of his appendages behind his back.

"What? What happened to the blue lion's paladin?" the princess continued to ask when she released the small brown haired life-form.

"We don't know what you're talking about, maybe if you all slow down we can help you." Said a kind voice. It seemed to come from the lifeforms that were clustered by the only door out of the room. Niola didn’t want to make the mistake of trusting it. Many handlers and masters sounded kind, but their goal was to try and make Niola slip up so they would have an excuse to do whatever they wanted with her.

"How many years has it been?" the princess mumbled as she went to a podium in the center of the room. Jumbles of letters in Altean gave a brief description of how long the cryo pods had been running. The life-form that she released scrambled back to the group of lifeforms. Niola was too confused at what was happening, were they handlers? Were they pets like her? Were they masters? What was the protocol here?! The conversation was too wild and weird for Niola to understand what she should do so she waited to be spoken to, and she didn’t want to think about what the words ‘paladin’ could mean for her. The ‘princess’ seemed to read for a bit and then turned stiff. 

"...What is it?" the male Altean whispered, scared of the answer but more afraid of not knowing the answer.

"I don't believe it. Coran, we've been asleep for ten thousand years! Father is gone, Altea is gone, and our entire solar system has been wiped out by Zarkon."

"Zarkon?" the kind voice gasped, and Niola gasped under her breath along with them for an entirely different reason. 10,000 years was too long for her to have gone missing. Too long for her handlers to care, and it seemed too good to be true for her to relax. Her tense shoulders stiffened even more, fearing that they were role-playing only to get her to feel safe enough to not expect the punishment. It certainly wouldn’t be something her handlers were above doing.

"He was king of the Galra, who dominated any planet and destroyed those who opposed him," The 'Coran' explained.

"I was his prisoner, I remember hearing that he's looking for a powerful weapon called Voltron." the voice shuttered as the owner recounted their capture. "I don't know how he's still alive but I'm telling the truth."

"If he is still alive then Voltron is the only thing that can stop him from achieving what he wants: Universal Domination." Said the princess.

"Then we must do what we can to stop him. We must get to the lions before Zarkon!" Coran's forced chipper tone declared.

Niola kept to the protocol as a gold-star pet should. She wouldn’t let them break her, she wouldn’t let them get her unawares this time. She was tired of living in fear and this entire situation was filling her with nothing but fear and desperation. They wouldn’t tolerate begging, or talking out of turn, or even asking questions if her sentence was particularly nasty, and she didn’t want to make it worse by giving them more reasons to add minor sentences onto what she assumed would be an extremely painful punishment. She kept quiet as they played out their parts of a script that she wasn’t sure if she would have to make an appearance in. 

The red mustache man called himself ‘Coran’, and he had been the head royal advisor to King Altea, but since he was most likely ‘dead’ Niola guessed Coran would now be second in command. When the princess introduced herself, Niola realized something: she might be able to get out of here. If the ‘King of Altea’ was actually a handler and had thrown her in the nearest pod unceremoniously when she'd let her guard down; then all of this could be leading up to her inevitable death. They must be recording her to the others, making an example out of her, making a spectacle out of her and playing her death out like some sort of theatrical event. There were too many creatures in the room currently to try and make an easy escape and she wasn't sure she could remember the way out either. Her legs still felt like jelly and her skin was dried out, which meant she’d be weaker than normal. For now, she was cornered by the situation. She unconsciously backed up closer to the pod she had exited just minutes ago.

It was the mysterious life forms' turns to introduce themselves. Of course from a different planet, one called Earth? Niola didn't know where that was, didn't know if she should care. What planet was she currently _on?_ Had she escaped at all, or had she merely run into one of their traps? The kind voice claimed their name was Shiro, the yellow one was introduced as Hunk, the one who'd had his ear pulled was called Lance, the small green one was named Pidge, and the one that sulked in the back grunted that they were called Keith. It seemed they all knew each other in some form or another, but Niola still couldn’t figure out if they were all pets sent to die as well or if the handlers were really outdoing themselves for some master she slighted when she’d escaped.

Restraining her muscles from trying to meld into the small space she had ‘been in for 10,000 years’ caused her to realize her situation that suddenly felt _very_ suffocating and Niola shivered in her timidness. She was alone, scared, and confused in the room full of Alteans and Erhthlings and any one of them could have the dial that could cause her body to seize in pain. She shifted her weight back against the pod further as she realized all eyes were on her. What was she supposed to do? What was her plan? Did she have a plan? What was the protocol? _Someone tell her what to do!_

"It's alright dear, you can come out from there. We will not harm you." The Altean Princess Allura promised before continuing in a calm voice, "What is your name?".

Niola froze at the orders, before she stiffly obeyed. She stepped out of the pod, and raised her eyes to the woman’s waist--standard protocol--addressing the ‘princess’. 

"There is no way to say my real name in the universal language. If I gave you my name in my language, it might...disturb you in a sense. May I give you a similar one?" She spoke quietly and respectfully when talking to the one she assumed was the master ringleader. Niola was looking for approval from the Princess, but everyone in the room nodded their head slightly in agreement and some in confusion.

"My name is most similar to Niola Xiphos. Outsiders to my species call us Shionians." At this, both the Alteans' feet shifted away from her in surprise and ‘Pidge’ shifted their glasses. 

"That's a name with mainly Greek origin, I believe. Is it possible you're from Earth?" They asked. Was Niola supposed to go through with this charade? Were these all masters she was supposed to serve? Why did they ask her to state her name when it should be in their holopads? Was this still part of the punishment?

Niola fought to keep her face neutral and she tilted her head in the direction of the voice, "I have never heard of Earth before now, but perhaps I am...my species traveled from planet to planet often.”

"Traveled? Why the past tense?" Lance inquired. Allura shared a look with Coran, and Niola felt their gaze returned to her form. 

"Zarkon is ruthless. Before we were put in the life pods we were attacked on our home planet by him. He destroyed **everything** ," Allura said morosely. Now Niola _knew_ something was amiss. Most of her masters were supporters of Zarkon, but she still didn’t trust them. This whole skit could be for one of the rare few that weren’t pleased with the ruler.

"We've lost everything, our home, our people," Coran dismally agreed. There was a sad silence that filled the room as the aliens somberly mourned their loss.

Niola's ears twitched as she heard a small squeak come from one of the life pods. Allura walked over to one of the pods Niola thought the sound had come from and pulled out some mice. "They're space mice!" She cheerily exclaimed, and then gasped in awe, "I can hear them speaking to me!"

If Niola wasn't already accepting her inevitable death she would have made a face at the Princess' awestruck voice. Luckily, Coran spoke and Niola again averted her gaze when their eyes tried to catch hers and she purposely stared at the floor. She wasn’t certain, but when she reviewed the conversations it seemed as if they were baiting her to break protocol, or to admit that she had run away.

"Perhaps that's because you've spent so much time in the same Cryochamber," he mused. Coran's stomach grumbled and Niola wondered if his cheeks matched the color of his hair briefly before he urged the princess to get some food as well.

"I'm not hungry," Allura spoke offhandedly as she stood and typed away at the pedestal in the center of the room before turning to face the Shion. "What about you? Are you hungry at all?"

Niola raised her head slightly from where she stood hovering beside the Cryochamber and brought her hand up to cover her mouth. "I appreciate the gracious offer though I regretfully decline, " Niola steadied herself in the Alteans' and now the Earthlings' attention when she realized it was gathered on her again. If these--Niola couldn’t dare hope they were regular people--if these handlers or masters didn’t beat her for that slight break in protocol then she really was going to die.

"You look like you could use some fresh air," the princess suddenly mentioned. Niola waited to be manhandled out the door, but when no one moved she dared to think. A beat of realization caused another break in protocol. 

"Are you allowing me to go outside?"

Niola imagines a white eyebrow quirking upward in confusion, "Yes?" 

A shaking breath that Niola couldn’t discern if it was out of fear or hope caused yet another question. 

"Aren't you afraid that I'll run away?" The third and final break in protocol. Three breaks in a row: handlers would instantly beat her for her insolence. It was Niola’s last grasp of hope.

The imaginary brows furrow together, "No, besides if you did that's your decision." 

Those few words made Niola’s body suddenly quiver, she was breathless and on the verge of breaking down. 

"Where's the exit?" and followed the instructions, she bolted through the group of lifeforms and sprinting faster than ever she tumbles through the castle like a barely contained rocket, slipping and sliding around the curves of the hallways.

No one comes after her or tries to stop her and she's too focused on the bright light she can barely see at the end. She’s almost there! She’s almost free! As she got closer to the open door her footsteps stalled to a halt in the shadows, her breath rampant as she stared at the floor where the divide of outside light met the shadow of the doorway. Like a child testing the waters of a pool, she bent down and tentatively stuck out a hand. When nothing happened except for her hand feeling warm, her eyes lit up as she slipped through the doorway and sunlight wrapped around her form. The land outside was starkly different from the one she had run away from, so she dug the tracker that had been embedded in her neck with her claw-like nails and broke it in half. She chucked it angrily over the edge of the nearby cliff. It really-- _it couldn’t be_ \--she really, after 10,000+ years was finally, achingly **free**. She could do whatever she wanted!


	2. Denial

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Niola goes about her day a free alien, and overhears something... and wishes she hadn't.
> 
> Characters might seem a little ooc...but this be my first fic y'all be kind

A devastated laugh bubbled its way out past her lips as her own eyes verified a blue mechanical lion sitting on its haunches in the sun before searching around what appeared to be a palace for anything that led up to a higher place. Finding a small metal ladder that appeared to have been placed on as an afterthought, Niola began her climb up to the top. Only once she reached the very tippy top of the castle was she able to look at all her surroundings. She was on a fairly green and blue planet, much to Niola's approval and excitement, and the castle seemed to be sitting on a cliff overlooking a vast body of blue liquid that Niola prayed was water.

She stretched her sore muscles and as a light breeze wafted through her blonde hair, she took a deep breath as her camouflage disappeared and feathery wings unfurled from their hiding place. She hummed as a relaxed smile overtook her lips and the sun warmed up her wings from their cold slumber. The feathers of varying colors blew in the breeze, and a few metallic feathers glinted in the sun. Each metallic feather was a prize she'd won eons ago in battle, but now, they just served as a harsh reminder of the kind of monster she was. She turns her gaze to the horizon and finds the lands varying in climate and terrain. A black stain of rocky sands turned into a vast green jungle, and the jungle dwindled as a tall mountain rose to wintery heights. The vast jungle seemed to stretch down and greet the equally vast expanse of blue waters. An interesting planet to land on indeed, Niola thought as she stood to stretch the rest of her aching body.

Stretches that would have looked painful to possible onlookers caused a content sigh to utter from her throat as Niola cracked her neck when she was finished. She would often tell herself that if she ever got out--if she ever made it--she’d do the one thing Shionians were most known for; aerial gliding and nautical hunting. After a few test flaps of her wings to see if she was strong enough to fly, the lone Shion took a running jump off of the top of the back of the castle and giggled with glee as the blue liquid came rushing up to meet her as she freefalled.

With a few tweaks of her wings, she was soaring over the large body of liquid with her arm reaching down and lapping at the liquid that was, in fact, some type of water. Turning her body to the shoreline, she paused midair as if noticing something deep under the waves, before diving headfirst into the water with a splash. Tucking her wings in tightly to her body, she became the fastest, most streamlined aquatic animal on the planet as her newly grown 5-foot tail swished powerfully back and forth through the water. Of course, it always took a certain volume and depth of water to make the tail appear, but after 10,000+ years on dry land, the tail was eager to make its appearance and her skin and gills drank in the water like a parched throat. She stilled in the water, observing the schools of alien fish that swam together about a yard or three away, and after a short time, Niola was able to guess how they would move if she hunted them.

With a few powerful pumps of her tail, she was flinging herself out of the water and flapping her wings to usher her skyward until she was hovering near a tree. She carefully maneuvered herself and pulled a thin sturdy branch off of it before returning to the beach, slowly plopping herself down in the shallows. This was lots of fun! She was going to eat--a tear fell from her eye and she rubbed it away--she was going to hunt for her own food the Shionian way. Her hands rifled through the sand before catching on a sharp rock. She winced, and then grasped her hand around it to pull it free. Glancing at the already rapidly healing cut, she swished her hand in the water quickly to get the sand out of the wound before it sealed itself closed, not even leaving a trace of a scar. Niola's stomach gurgled as she hurriedly made a spear out of the piece of wood and tossed the stone behind her once the tip of the spear was sufficiently sharp. She had been hungry when the Princess had offered food, but at that time she didn’t trust--still doesn’t--that the situation was what it seemed to be.

With a few flaps of her wings, she was once again soaring into the sky and circling above the watery depths as she calculated where her prey would be concentrated. Again, she dove into the water with a splash. The water on the surface rippled with tension and eventually stilled, but Niola did not resurface. Somewhere off the shore, an animal sang it’s call and the sea breeze gently blew through the tops of the trees. The only other sound that could be heard was the gentle sloshing of the waves pushing and pulling onto the white, sandy beach. Underneath the surface the water turned a vicious red color and fish swerved this way and that way in their panic. Time passes and the Shionian splashes out towards the surface, flying away with her prize. After gliding through the air, she landed in a large tree and picked fish bits out of her teeth as her tail slowly split back into legs as she dried out.

She closed her eyes and listened to the coastal forest where the sound of the breeze rustling through the trees reminded her of a planet long ago. The memory from centuries past was so faint now, it almost seemed like a dream. The only difference between the barely remembered memory and the present was the spear wobbling back and forth as 10 fish dried out. Niola sighed, content and finally able to relax, almost dozing off before a thought caused her to rise from her perch. She had to thank those who gave her freedom by giving them something of value, as per Shionian tradition. Even after all those years as a pet, she would repeat the few Shionian traditions and values left in her head over and over again; they were the only thing she had left of her home, of her people. She eyed the fish, some of which were still gasping for breath, and decided to cook them over a fire before she quickly extinguished it. She didn’t want to tussle with natives and she was certain her true form would cause a panic if noticed by other aliens. It wasn't her fault she looked like this. Her handlers would give her things and then when her form would change they'd push that problem under the proverbial rug of her convenient 'cloaking'.

Hiding her wings in the Altean camouflage, she grabbed the spear of treats and ran like a madwoman through an unfamiliar forest with the ease of a local. Her eyes were taking in everything, the path ahead that was filled with branches and leaves that had fallen to the ground, the thick tall brush of natural grasses that hissed beneath her feet as she dashed through them while ducking and jumping over fallen logs. She slowed her running pace once she arrived closer to the castle, and let out a breath she didn't know she was holding in when she saw the blue lion through the trees. A large gust of wind blew through her hair and she gazed upwards at wistful clouds freckling the bright blue sky that cut a vast outline of the gleaming white spires of the Castleship. Her shoulders relaxed, it was still where she had left it.

Niola snorted, how arrogant she was, acting like someone else’s home belonged to her. She owned nothing but the skin on her back, but now she could do whatever she wanted. No more handlers, no more masters telling her what to do, how to pose her body, how to eat, when to eat, when to sleep--if she could sleep-- _no more of any of it._ Her damp sandals created echoes as she sauntered vaguely around the castle and wandered into the mess hall. She avoided meeting Coran's gaze and held out the fish towards him before she set the stick on the counter, gave a small bow of her head, and scurried back out the door.

'Oh, Tiamat, what am I doing?' her cheeks flushed in regret. She didn’t know if she could trust them, yet she brought them a gift? Was that really the Shionian way? Was she remembering her own traditions correctly? She didn’t know. She was no longer sure of anything but the feeling of unease that didn’t seem to go away even though she was free. Once outside, she climbed the ladder once more, the metal creaking underneath her weight before it finally broke off and fell down the cliff-side below. Flying up the ruins of the ladder, Niola squished the remaining water out of her hair when she flopped down over onto the solid surface.

Sitting on her knees with her feet under her bum, she faced the sun and unfurled her wings, letting the camouflage or glimmer release her true form. 'When had that become activated?' She wondered. The wind whistled around her ears and hair from the high place and stretching out her wings would let the sun and wind dry them completely. Once she was satisfied they were dry and the wind died down, she ran her fingers through the feathers to pick out all the dust and relished in the fact that she had time to prune her wings. She never used to have time or the freedom to do so before, and now she folded her wings into her back as she decided to curl up in her sunny spot. Her eyes slowly started to droop as the sun radiated off of the metal and blanketed her in warmth, and after yawning for the third time she allowed her (definitely not teary) eyes to close with a sniffle. Everything felt so real, and this was the best and yet at the same time the worst dream she’d ever had.

Niola groggily woke to the sound of metal moving, and she shot awake, fear filling every bone in her body before she realized she was still high up on the top of the castle. She must still be dreaming, she figured and sat up, rubbing the drool off of her lips and arm before she jumped off of the top of the castle. She glided down the back of the castle, fearing the ship was taking off; and decided to land in thick brush downwind from the treeline. In her haste to get to safety, she crashed into several branches and fell very ungracefully into a bush.

"What was that?" a voice asked from far up the hill.

Niola recognized the voice as the youngest Earthling, and she folded her wings back to their hiding place. Her instincts urged her to activate her glimmer in self-defense, but she didn't, and barely made any noise when she poked her head out from the bush. Could she trust them now that she was free? She didn’t particularly want to be alone on an unfamiliar planet without any knowledge of where she was, and there was a part of her that was afraid the handlers would come for her. She didn’t want to go back to being a pet. She wanted to keep running, to experience things on her own time, her own way. While she had originally met them in a more confined space and the Earthlings (after further contemplation of the situation) seemed passive, Niola still had her doubts and reserved herself to analyzing these strange new lifeforms from afar.

Besides, now that they weren’t staring her down, this was the only time she could observe their faces and eyes. They didn't seem to be very scary-looking from what she could see-in fact, they seemed to appear more like Alteans. Pudgy, different colored flesh and hair, two arms and legs, two eyes and ears like most aliens. The smallest one had glasses, one had a piece of fabric wrapped around its head, the one who the princess had disabled looked like a model, the one with long black hair seemed to be focused on its surroundings, and the tallest had a scar across its nose and a white tuft of hair. Perhaps they were the leader?

"What was what?"

"I didn't hear anything," another said while Niola crouched down and snuck away from where she had landed, only glancing down to occasionally check her footing.

"Let's be on our guard, just in case" the eldest Earthling advised, and they kept walking. The tallest one had to be the leader based on the way all the others immediately followed its suggestion. Niola recognized their intonation and she realized that the kind voice she had been wary of earlier belonged to the beefy man. Great, now that proved she can’t trust voices.

Niola changed her skin to blend in with her green and tan surroundings and stealthily moved from bushes to trees before she had a fairly unobstructed view of the Earthlings who were walking along the dirt path that led away from the Castleship. Were they leaving? There was only one way to find out, and Niola followed them. After a while of watching them walk around aimlessly, the tall, lanky brown-haired Earthling stopped and looked behind him in her direction. There was no way that he should be able to see her through the thick trees or her camouflage, but her breath stilled and she stared right back like a frightened animal. When it seemed as if he was going to come closer, Niola slowly bent down to pick up a small nut that was on the ground and threw it in the direction the Earthlings were headed. They all jumped at the sudden noise and turned this way and that before determining where the noise originated. By the time they all turned their heads, Niola was high up in a different tree a yard away watching them with disturbing amounts of glee. This _was_ a dream after all, so she could do anything she wanted...even if it was toying with the made-up aliens. 'Ha! Take that, stupid dream handlers!' Niola's teeth glinted as she grinned.

"Uh... are you guys getting the feeling that we're being watched?" the model asked with a slightly quivering voice.

The red jacket Earthling and the eldest earthling were both scanning the area and taking in everything like they were trained soldiers. Niola's eyes glimmered with mischief and she restrained herself from biting down her smile. It was fun to be free! This was so amusing!

"Paladins, what's wrong?" the silvery voice of the Princess asked as she came outside in battle gear.

'For the love of all that is blue.' Niola huffed and her shoulders shrank down in disappointment. She would have to stop playing with the aliens when the ‘princess’ was around. Niola moved down from her spot in the tree's branches to hide behind the trunk timidly. She didn't quite understand why she couldn’t make her body go to them. She wanted to be free, to be normal again, to have everything she couldn’t when she had been someone else’s. She wanted everything. She didn’t want to be alone, but she didn’t trust those people enough to go talk to them. They wouldn’t understand what she’d been through. If she really was free, and this wasn't a dream, then the Alteans might understand.

The ‘Princess’ might know of her people’s slow decline to extinction and slavery, then again she might not. Upon that thought, Niola now knew why she was afraid of the Princess’ presence. She solidified that everything was real. That Niola was really free, really and truly the last of her kind. Niola shook that thought away but more came swirling around her head. Coran and Allura knew what she was, what her kind was, what they did and what they had done. While the Shionians were known for throwing wild parties, they were also known for their equally chaotic battles where armies would be demolished at the hands of a few hundred warriors. Just because Niola was a self-proclaimed bard didn’t mean she hadn’t slain thousands of people under orders.

Sure, Shionians weren’t the most aggressive fighters-that title went to the Galra-but they were fairly terrifying at just about everything they did, using their senses and contraptions to trick others into thinking their power was given to them by gods. Though they preferred to scare away any attackers, Shionian warriors could easily defeat an enemy whether it be on land, water or air. Even simple bards like her used to drag sailors deep into the watery depths that had been their homeland. Their kingdom used to be an empire on their planet, but that was such a long time ago that Niola had forgotten the star system it was in, let alone the name.

"Is this planet inhabited by chance? By good aliens, or bad aliens? Or bad aliens that pretend to be good?" the one Niola remembered as ‘Hunk’ asked.

"It's a possibility, Coran is still in the process of booting up the Castle, so the only thing I’m sure of right now is that we’re on the planet Arus. Until it is up and running, you should all stick close to it. That reminds me, let's get you fitted into the Paladin armor and show you how your communicators will work. That way if you do run around and get lost we can track you and help you find your way back to the Castle." She started listing each task they would need to do with her fingers.

"Let's just focus on doing one thing at a time," the eldest--Shiro--interrupted the princess, and the princess--Ea-Enki help her--Allura didn't even look angry or miffed about it. Niola guessed that Shiro must be the head leader, but if the ‘princess’ was really a Princess then...ugh. Niola didn’t understand any of it. What was the social rank here?

Allura merely sighed and smiled in relief. "Yes,"

"So how come that other alien didn't want to stick around? I mean, she just fled right out of the room and it's been hours since she left." Lance asked, and Allura merely glanced at the ground. Niola's breath held in her throat. It was now or never. Would Allura reveal her secret to strangers, speak of her people as savage beasts?

"If you woke up in that kind of situation: being told that if you stayed you'd have a target on your back for the rest of your life, wouldn't you run? Zarkon doesn't know about her, doesn't know about her relation to Coran and I. I’m not sure if she really knows or understands it either. Most likely, it would be safer for her to be far from us, but if she decides to come back to the Castleship I expect you to receive her just as warmly as you would anyone else. From this day on you are Paladins of Voltron, the protectors of all free people," Allura spoke, meeting the eyes of all the 'paladins'.

Niola's throat became heavy and she blinked away the kindness in the princess's voice. Her words had to be false, Allura didn’t mean it. It wasn’t true. The Paladins of Voltron? It was a fairytale. What was even more unbelievable was that after all of her suffering she had just--Niola’s thought process was lost. If Allura’s words were true then that really meant that 10,000 years had passed. If the destruction of Altea was true the last of her people had to be dead and she was alone, in more ways than one.

As if the princess realized something she asked, "Is that why you're all out here? You came all this way to find her?"

"Well yeah, she's scared and all alone in the universe. We wanted to make sure she was okay." one of them admitted and hey, hey. Niola is almost on the verge of bawling here. This game isn't fun anymore. Her lips were bleeding in the effort to keep the wails from escaping. She couldn’t cry. She shouldn’t cry, she was free! Free people laugh and smile and do whatever they want to do-they don’t cry, they don’t cry. _It’s too late she’s crying_ and Niola doesn’t care to know which alien spoke before she’s turning and dashing back deeper into the shaded forest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to those who left kudos! It keeps me going~


	3. Grief

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Niola remembers some things her brain had blocked out.

She had been okay. She had flown and swam and eaten crazy looking alien fish. She'd explored the sea, air, and land of a new planet today! She’d walked around outside by herself for the first time in eons since she’d been captured, she’d eaten the food she wanted to eat without worrying if it was laced with tranquilizers, she’d destroyed the tracker so that handlers would no longer be able to find her or control her. That loathsome device had electrocuted so many other aliens she’d been forced to room with during the pet selection-now that it was gone it was _supposed_ to mean she was free. She had been okay before finding out she was free. She had been fine. Now she was afraid, sad, and thankful that she was the last of her kind.

How was she supposed to deal with being _thankful_ for being the last of her kind? So many had died, so many had been made examples of, so many had been prejudiced against, beaten, and broken before her. Niola's body slams into a tree when her vision blurs too much to see, and she's reminded of the Castleship she'd stowed away on jostling harshly. She's reminded of screams of terror as she’d cowered in a hiding spot, and she blinks the memory away and she's running, running, always running away again to the only place she'd always feel safe.

Niola didn't stop running until she was waist-deep in the water, and when she got there she dived farther and deeper into the water until even the light of day couldn't reach her. She curled up against the sandy bottom of the cliff face, holding her tail between her legs with one hand and holding onto a rock with another. Her wings surrounded her body, only giving her some solace from the cold, silent depths that rocked her body slowly with the current. Here, her tears would become one with the water. Here, she took her first shuddering breath as the fuzzy memory of her escape cleared, and she recalled a blue alien who had helped her escape. His fingers gently brushed her head up to meet his eyes after he’d disposed of the master who had been beating her. He’d shushed her when she’d whimpered fearfully out of his grasp, the sight of the handlers bodies outside the door being too much for her to understand.

His lips moved as he unlatched the chains attached to her body, but she couldn’t hear his voice, she still couldn’t remember his face. As soon as the last chains were open, she remembered pushing him away from her and making a break for it. She didn’t know who he was, didn’t know if he was another master who just wanted her more, all she knew was that she ran. She ran past the guards and burst outside, stole a hoverbike, and sped off into the forest. She had crashed it, of course, she never had piloted a hoverbike before and she again ran nonstop through the forest. She had stopped upon hearing lively music in the distance, and when she emerged on the outskirts of the treeline, she noticed the warm lights and joyful voices of an Altean party. A few ships were sitting in the open field, and it appeared as if they had landed, set up camp, and were now in the process of leaving. A few tents and workshops were still set up, but there were enough Alteans and other alien lifeforms that were still hustling to grab their families and meager belongings.

She needed to get far enough away from the handlers that she might be able to get the tracker out of her neck. A rumor that had been whispered from pet to pet in hushed voices was that if you got far enough away from the handlers, the pill-sized tracker could be extracted without any painful zapping that usually occurred if anyone touched the backs of their necks. What Niola needed was a ship, preferably one of the ships that seemed to be reloading amidst the festivities. She found her plan and used her speed to dash between the small tents allowing her to steal a roll of linen and tramp away as the shop hand cursed at her. As soon as she was out of sight, she tucked herself into a vacant tent and activated her glimmer to appear as an Altean ship hand. It worked well enough and the roll of linen granted her easy access onto a gleaming white ship as it’s doors closed behind her and the hum of its engines starting up both soothed Niola’s nerves, and made them go haywire.

She walked the halls like every other worker before she broke off in a less traveled direction and snuck through different parts of the very oddly colored blue and white ship. Sometime later, a deafening crash reverberated through the halls and she wobbled in place as the ship shook. Multiple quick footsteps headed her way and Niola once again ran through an unfamiliar place before hiding momentarily amongst boxes of supplies. Niola watched from the shadows in fear as she had felt another explosion that rocked the ship and caused the metal to creak around her.

Soldiers rushed past Niola’s hiding spot, and as soon as she couldn’t hear them anymore, she changed her glimmer into one of the guards and she carefully dug herself out of the hiding spot. The screams were what she remembered next, and the sounds of battle. She had run away and hid from that too, her eyes peeking through a small gap in the doorway. More soldiers wearing white armor clamored through the halls as multiple footsteps swarmed into the spaceship. Screams of pain, snarls of valor, and the clanging of metal against metal filtered through her ears and she remained still, frozen in fear. When the sounds of immediate danger quieted, Niola recalled wishing that she’d taken a different ship.

She had almost thrown up stepping over the bloodied bodies that littered the hall. Some were Galra, but most of them were the other aliens whose form she took to save her own skin. She ran back to the entrance only to discover that the ship had indeed taken off as she suspected. What was most peculiar was that besides the soldiers and the invading Galra, there were little to no other aliens such as herself present. She’d wandered carefully around trying to find someone, anyone else on the ship when she wandered into a room with circles on the floor. A few of the circles stood raised from the floor, and upon closer inspection, Niola realized that there were _people_ inside.

A hand suddenly fell on her shoulder, and Niola grabbed the alien attached to it and chucked them across the room with all her might. Their body slammed against the wall and her fingers shook as they slid to the floor with a groan. An older Altean man with white hair was hunched on the floor and she almost felt sorry for him. Realizing that he was wearing the same kind of armor her glimmer was projecting, she hesitantly drew near him spouting excuses as if she really was an Altean soldier. The gentleman had only given a wheezing laugh and told her to protect his daughter before he suddenly surged upwards, startling Niola so much she didn’t see how he knocked her out. She briefly remembered her slowly fading consciousness being placed into the pod. The last thing she saw was the Altean King's sad blue eyes gazing into her own.

After regaining her memory, Niola’s head pounded and she sobbed uncontrollably into the water. Tiamat, this _was_ real, it wasn’t a dream. She hated knowing that it was real, that this was _all real_ and she had been gone for 10,000 years and that she was the last of her kind. She wasn't supposed to be here, she shouldn't have lived and a part of her sneered at everything she had been put through and it asked her if she wanted to live. A smaller part of her whispered that she didn’t. She didn’t deserve to be free. She could have helped the soldiers in the hallway, but she didn’t. She’d hidden, and now she’d given the same fate as herself to Coran and Allura. Oh gods, Allura, who had been so nice to Niola even knowing what she was; Allura, who had set her free and gave her the extra push to start getting her life back; Allura, who had just lost everything and was no different than Niola. She wondered how the Princess had the courage to keep standing for what she thought was right.

Niola felt waves of guilt wash over her and she felt as if she owed the Princess... _something_. She just wasn’t sure that she had anything left to give. She didn’t want to die alone, that was a fate she wouldn’t even wish on her worst enemies, and all Niola had could give the Princess was herself. That was all she had left, but even her own self was broken. Tears melded with salty waters as she curled tighter into herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the short chapters to come- I'm running out of preplanned content XD

**Author's Note:**

> I crave sustenance. Please give me that feedback!


End file.
